


Through Different Eyes

by silver_drip



Series: Shy!Loki Short Stories [5]
Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Masturbation, No Refractory Period, Tony Stark Has A Heart, self-deprication, shy loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:35:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_drip/pseuds/silver_drip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has a sexual reawakening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through Different Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this universe does whatever it wants.

* * *

They were going into their third month of courtship—dating, as the humans called it, and Loki still had no idea why Tony even bothered to cast his eyes in Loki’s direction.

There had been so many comforting words, reassurances, but Loki couldn’t believe them. Everything was just too perfect and nothing this good ever happened to Loki.

Thor was still not pleased with his relationship with Tony, but Natasha and Steve had given him a stern talk and he hadn’t said a word since. He could still feel those blue eyes glaring at them though.

The real problem came when the two Avengers first went on a mission after Loki revealed their relationship. Thor no longer felt the need to watch Tony’s back or follow any order that would ensure Tony’s safety. That’s when Steve and Fury got involved.

It was completely and utterly humiliating, knowing that so many people were talking about him and his relationship with Tony.

He hated being the center of attention.

It was a bit easier though when Tony stepped in and talked to Thor. He hadn’t told Loki about his plan beforehand, and Loki wasn’t sure how he felt about that. On one hand he would have fretted and tried to stop him if he’d known, on the other hand it had worked. Tony had given Thor some speech about team unity and being shield brothers.

Loki watched their next battle on the television and Thor didn’t hesitate to knock down the thug that had a RPG launcher pointed at Iron Man.

Tony had eventually cajoled Loki into going to the common floor for movie night, despite Loki not wanting to see the looks of disgust in the other Avengers’ eyes. They had all seen him practically nude.

Tony had told him over and over again that everything was going to be alright, that no one would say anything negative about their relationship, or about him.

He was clinging to Tony when they exited the elevator and was surprised when no one vomited when he entered the room. They greeted him kindly and made no comment on how he was holding onto Tony’s arm like a child.

Tony led them to their own little sofa that hadn’t been there the last time he’d been on this floor. It was slightly set apart from the rest of the group and Tony acted as a shield between him and the others. It made the whole ordeal slightly less agonizing.

* * *

His relationship with Tony was the best thing that ever happened to him, but he didn’t like how it always felt like Tony was treating him like he was made out of porcelain.

All they ever did was cuddle, watch movies, tour the city, and occasionally kiss.

Loki wanted more, but he didn’t know how to say so.

They even slept in the same bed now so that Loki could sooth Tony’s nightmares, but things never progressed beyond kissing.

Maybe Tony just didn’t think of him in a sexual manner.

Loki was disgustingly pale and thin after all, especially compared to Tony’s naturally tan skin and built muscles that came from spending most of his time in the lab, lifting heavy sheets of metal as he went about creating masterpieces and ground breaking technology.

Loki wanted to reach out to him whenever they slid into bed, but he knew, he just _knew_ Tony would reject him and then his happiness would be over as he was kicked out of Tony’s life, going back to hiding in his room and being so nervous that Thor had to deliver his meals to him.

Was his near constant lust really worth risking their relationship that made no sense to him, yet meant the world to him?

Besides, Tony was the one with all the sexual experience. Shouldn’t he be the one to initiate that sort of thing?

Loki had no one to talk to. He knew the other Avengers would just laugh at him and word would get back to Tony about his disgusting urges. He couldn’t tell Thor because of his obvious disdain and prejudices. And going outside was only tolerable when Tony was there with him.

Loki realized that the only people he really had was his family and Tony. Such a realization wouldn’t have hurt when it was just him and his family, but now he knew he was capable of having more. Maybe even friends, but he was getting too far ahead of himself and was being naively optimistic.

He only had one friend, Tony, and he was more than just a friend, much to Loki’s amazement and disbelief.

He didn’t want to ruin that, what they had, what Loki had never experienced before.

Holding Tony’s hand still amazed Loki every time. Loki’s fingers were longer and softer than Tony’s. It always elicited a pleasant buzz in his palm that slowly worked its way up and into his heart, making him blush and become even more of a fool than he already was.

And when Tony held him it was even better. His whole body tingled with delight and with a warmth he’d never felt before he met Tony. It settled his mind down. Thoughts about being boney, smelling weird, or accidently farting were somehow silenced. He loved when he could feel Tony’s breath against his skin. It reminded him that he wasn’t just making it up, that someone was actually willingly holding him.

Loki couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to do more than just cuddle with him.

As an adolescent he had shoved down all his sexual urges since he knew it was wrong to be attracted to males, but here it wasn’t. Despite that Loki couldn’t remember the last time he touched himself for more than to scrub the filth from his body and to make himself presentable.

Tony was just… just so perfect.

How could Loki not lust after him? Pathetic lil’ Loki who hadn’t even had his first kiss until Tony came into his life.

It was almost the only thing Loki could think about.

When they were in Tony’s lab he couldn’t take his eyes off the way he effortlessly conducted the holograms and pieced together intricate parts.

When they were sharing a meal Loki watched the bobbing of Tony’s Adams apple and how he licked his lips after every sip.

When they went out, with Tony disguised, the only thing Loki wanted to do was throw Tony’s hat, shades, and oversized coat off just so he could see him properly.

It was overwhelming, and then Loki remembered a comment Clint made about there being countless videos of Tony being naked on the internet.

It had taken Loki a few days of working up his nerve to ask Tony to buy him a laptop for his personal use.

Tony had just laughed at Loki’s flushed expression before rummaging through his lab. Loki watched on in a daze as Tony made him a custom laptop and downloaded all the software he’d need.

Loki vehemently insisted that no one else would be able to access it. Tony just grinned and set up all sorts of security on the new laptop.

When Tony gave him the finished product Loki felt bold and gave him a kiss on the lips before quickly scurrying off to hide in his room.

Loki locked the door to his room, placed six spells to alert him if anyone came down his hallway, three more to not allow any noise to escape, four that blacked out the windows and another spell so that his door couldn’t be broken down. He turned off his cell phone and put it in his closet under his basket of dirty clothes.

He wasn’t being paranoid, just healthily cautious.

He didn’t have a desk so he decided to just use the bed.

Loki set the laptop down on his bed before getting lotion to make things easier along with a roll of toilet paper to catch his seed.

Loki hesitated. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to strip down. Loki hated the concept of him being naked beyond cleaning and changing purposes. He decided to discard his pants and underwear, folding them neatly on his nightstand in case he had to quickly redress.

He slipped into his bed, pulling the sheets up until they were covering his knob like knees.

Loki started his laptop that was beside him, purposefully ignoring his ugly form. He searched ‘Tony Stark naked’ and let out a groan when three pictures immediately popped up along with plenty of links that promised so much more.

There was also links that led to videos, but Loki was sure they would be too much for him to handle.

Loki chose a simple picture of Tony. It was an old one, before Afghanistan. It looked like he was waving as he walked down a busy street completely nude, a smug grin in place.

Loki took in every detail in amazement. He couldn’t breathe at first. He felt his body heat up and his cock come to life.

Without taking his eyes away from Tony he reached for the lotion and fumbled with the bottle cap, squeezing some onto his palm. He was already breathing quickly.

It was surprisingly awkward, touching his hardened length. He’d forgotten how it felt and how sensitive it was. He refused to look down at himself, instead focusing more intently on the picture of Tony.

With his first stroke he realized that he hardly knew how to touch himself.

Loki let out a self-deprecating laugh, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to not be overwhelmed by his own inadequacy.

How could he ever hope to have sex with Tony when he didn’t even know how to touch himself?

A tear escaped and his grip on his cock tightened, startling him out of his thoughts. His eyes landed on the photo automatically and his thoughts were completely erased by lust.

His next stroke was surer and his mouth fell open from pleasure and the need to keep going.

After that things felt more natural.

It was so intense, the building pressure.

He imagined it was actually Tony’s hand. Loki bucked up, surprising himself again.

He couldn’t look away from the photo, from Tony.

His movements became more frantic.

“Tony,” Loki whispered, desperate for the release that was already so close.

He came silently.

Honestly, he couldn’t have stroked himself more than twelve times before he was already spurting all over himself.

It was pathetic, but he was too blissed out to care.

Loki’s gaze was still on the photo of Tony, even though his eyes were only half open. Then his eyes drifted slightly to the right and he was already getting hard again. It was a photo of Tony at a nude beach. He was laying on a red towel while wearing sunglasses and nothing else.

* * *

Loki woke up the following morning to his furthest detection spell in the hallway being triggered. He didn’t remember why he’d set them in place—and then he looked around. His eyes went wide. His bed was a mess. _He_ was a mess.

There was dried come all over him and the bed. The laptop was still open, but the screen had gone to sleep. The room smelled of sweat and semen. Loki’s cock almost felt raw. His right arm was even a little sore.

Apparently he’d made up for lost time when it came to masturbating.

He didn’t even remember falling asleep—or did he pass out?

How could he have been so stupid, letting his lust drive his good sense away?!

It was supposed to be a one and done thing so that he could go to Tony’s room after a shower so that they could cuddle and fall asleep together.

The second alerting spell was triggered and Loki began to panic.

He couldn’t let anyone see him like this! He was disgusting enough as is! He could only imagine how terrible he looked covered in dried come!

His third of six alerts went off.

This was it. This was the end. There was no way he could clean himself up and his room in time.

Whoever was coming down his hallway was going to see how pathetic and filthy he really was and then Tony would find out and everything would end in a fiery blaze of humiliation and self-hatred.

The fourth went off.

Tony would never look at him the same way, with those brown and golden eyes.

The fifth.

He’d never be held again.

The sixth.

Loki fell into a heap on the ground, crying.

And then there was a knock on the door.

“Go away,” he said, trying to keep his voice even. He recognized that knock and it only made Loki’s heart break further. It was Tony. _Tony_ was going to see him like this. There was another knock, slightly louder than the last. “I said go away.” His voice cracked.

“Loki, are you in there?” Tony asked through the door, reminding Loki that he’d put silencing spells on his room so that none of his repulsive noises could escape. He also remembered that he’d charmed the door closed—but what if the scent was leaking out, giving away what Loki had been doing last night? “You haven’t been answering my texts and you didn’t come upstairs yesterday. I’m kinda worried.”

Oh Norns, he’d worried Tony.

Stupid, stupid, stupid Loki!

He hated himself even more, despite not thinking it possible.

Loki took in a deep breath and dispelled the silencing charms.

“Sorry, Tony.” Loki’s voice was surprisingly calm in spite of him feeling like he was about to hurl. “I fell asleep in here and I must have misplaced my phone.” It was a good lie, but made his mouth taste like ash. He couldn’t believe he’d just outright lied to Tony, the one person who wasn’t obligated to care about him, yet still did. He lied. He betrayed his trust. He—

Why wasn’t Tony responding?

He knew.

Oh Norns, he knew.

“Want to join me for breakfast? I ordered in your favorites.”

“Uhm, maybe later. I need to get cleaned up.” Loki flinched at himself and his understatement. “Save me some?” He knew he sounded pathetic, just a wisp of hope in his desperate and childish tone.

“Of course, sweetums.” Loki blushed at the endearment.

He listened as Tony walked away.

After crying for a good thirty minutes on the ground Loki pulled himself up, wiping away his tears and smearing come on his face.

He was such a pitiful idiot. If anyone ever found out about this—

No, he couldn’t allow that. He had too much to lose.

If he lost Tony there’d be no one else.

And what if Thor did the whole ‘I told you so’ routine, or worse, actually hurt Tony?

Loki couldn’t let Thor hurt Tony.

Even if Tony shattered him to pieces Loki would still—

He’d still love him.

Loki loved him.

That revelation just made him start crying all over again.

“I can’t lose him,” he whispered through his sobs.

Loki knew he was nothing, but if he lost Tony he’d be less than nothing, he’d die—

But he could never tell Tony that. Loki didn’t want to force him to stay with him, to see poorly concealed resentment in his eyes. That would be even worse than if Tony just threw him away.

“Calm down,” he ordered himself, despite knowing it was a futile effort.

Loki made himself strip off his stiff shirt and head to the bathroom. He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror, now more so than ever.

He turned the tap of the shower on, cranking it up until the water was just short of burning him.

Loki quickly got in, holding back another pathetic whimper.

He just stood under the heated spray motionlessly, letting it hit him directly in the face and rivet down his scrawny form.

How was he even supposed to face Tony now?

Loki had lied to him.

Loki loved him.

Loki looked at his nude image without asking permission.

If anyone did that to Loki—

He couldn’t even imagine how terrible he’d feel.

Loki knew Tony wasn’t like him though. He actually had a body worth looking at, worth being admired, lusted after.

Tony was also confident and relaxed when it came to being naked, if those pictures were any indication of his mindset.

Loki had broken his trust twice. He lied about misplacing his phone and he looked at Tony’s private parts without his permission—he _masturbated_ to those images. Tony trusted him and Loki had lied and used Tony’s image without his consent.

Why did he have to be born as such a wretched creature, so inferior to his fellow Aesir, inferior to all the races?

Why couldn’t he just be normal for once in his life?

Loki took in a deep gasp and choked on the water, having forgotten he was in the shower, completely lost in his own head.

He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there. It could have been minutes or hours.

He did know that Tony was probably waiting and worrying about him.

First Loki had to scrub himself clean, wash all the evidence of last night away.

He wish he had something stronger than a luffa, something that could peel away at his top layer of skin without leaving a mark. He sudsed up three times, carefully avoiding touching his cock more than necessary. He’d already did that too much of that last night and for a lifetime.

Slowly it became therapeutic, washing and rewashing himself, having a valid reason not to see his blurred image in the tile as soap ran down his face, the heat burning away evidence, the steam making his lungs feel a bit heavy, the scent of soap invading his senses…

It had to come to an end though, as all things did.

He turned off the tap and stared at the metal nozzle as the last of the water dribbled out.

The fluffy white towel felt too kind against his skin.

The mirror was thankfully fogged as he brushed his teeth and used mouthwash.

He was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally—but he knew Tony was waiting for him.

He opened the bathroom door and steam swirled free. Loki couldn’t even look at his bedroom and the complete mess he’d made it. Instead he mindlessly went to his closet, thankful that he’d closed it the night before, making it less likely that his clothing would smell of come and sweat.

After dressing in an outfit he knew Tony liked him in he uncovered his cellphone from beneath his laundry basket. He turned it on and saw that he had six text messages, all from Tony, either from last night or this morning. Each one got progressively more worried and Loki felt horrible for making Tony feel that way.

Why would Tony even want him? He was the worst of the worse. The lowest of the low.

Loki set aside his phone, not knowing what to text him.

Instead he turned his attention to his room, feeling sick to his stomach.

He didn’t even want to look at his stiff blankets, let alone touch them.

Loki let out a sigh before summoning his magic. He levitated his laptop to his nightstand and closed it before he made the sheets come off the bed and ball-up together, along with his pillowcases and soiled shirt.

He was devastated when he saw that he’d somehow stained the actual mattress. With a twitch of his finger the mattress flipped onto its reverse side.

Loki scanned his floor with a bit of magic and was relieved to find that Thor wasn’t around.

He went to his door and panicked for a second as he tried to open it, before remembered he’d both locked it and charmed it closed.

“You whelp of an idiot,” he hissed to himself why dispelling the charm and unlocking the door.

Loki dashed to the laundry room, shoving the evidence of his depravity into the washing machine. He poured in the right amount of detergent and set the heat on high.

He went back to his room and wished he knew a spell to make something smell better, but it just wasn’t a thing he’d ever thought about. And he had spent so long in his room that he couldn’t even smell if something was off. The windows couldn’t be opened either.

He felt himself crumbling inside all over again, before remembering a spell his mother taught him. He hurried to the kitchen and grabbed a vase and as many glasses as he could find. He filled them with water before summoning lots of flowers of various colors and scents.

Loki filled his room with them before grabbing his cell phone, closing his door firmly, and heading upstairs.

He tried to keep his breathing level as the elevator ascended. He was doing surprisingly well.

A pleasant scent wafted its way into the elevator as the doors slid open. Loki realized he was hungry. When he reached the kitchen all of the food was packed and in the fridge. He must have been in the shower for quite some time.

He spotted Tony in the living room, working on one of his tablets.

“Hey,” he said softly and Tony looked over at him with a smile. It only made Loki feel worse about his actions last night. “I found my phone under the sofa. Sorry for not texting you back.” Loki was surprised when he saw a flash of hurt in Tony’s eyes. What had he done now? “I—I’ll just grab something to eat,” Loki stuttered out, retreating to the kitchen.

He filled a plate up with crepes. He heated them up before adding a strawberry filling and a side of fresh fruit. Loki made himself some tea, trying to avoid Tony for as long as he could.

He kept reviewing what he’d said, but couldn’t figure out what had made Tony look like that.

Did he know about what Loki had done last night? No, that was unlikely. He would be banned from this floor if Tony did know.

He sighed while walking back to the living room.

Tony eyed him for a moment before looking back at his tablet. He glanced back up at Loki, frowning.

“Why are you sitting all the way over there?” Tony asked, his brow furrowed. Loki looked down at his seat. Tony was right. Loki normally didn’t sit in the recliner, the seat that was the farthest from the couch that they usually shared.

Loki had no answer so he just joined Tony on the couch.

Tony gave Loki another fleeting glance and Loki had to actively work on not squirming.

Tony was frowning at his tablet before he set it aside. He moved closer and Loki forced himself to not tense up.

“You’re more flushed than usual.” Probably from Loki’s ridiculously long, hot shower. Tony reached for his forehead and Loki flinched back violently, spilling tea all over himself. Loki let in a gasp in pain and embarrassment. “Shit, I’m sorry, Loki. I was just trying to take your temperature.”

“No, no! It’s my fault!” Loki hastily set down his plate and mug. “I’ll just go change.”

Without thought Loki looked at Tony and there was even more hurt in his eyes, but he quickly concealed it with a smile.

Loki’s heart was breaking as he teleported back to his flower filled room.

Was this the end?

Was Tony just staying with him out of pity?

Why should he even care? Loki was the embodiment of trash.

Loki threw his wet clothes in his laundry basked before heading to the bathroom to wipe himself down. He took care of his nervous sweat while he was in there before putting on another layer of deodorant and putting on fresh clothes.

His mind was spiraling out of control.

He’d messed up, and was more than just his lie and using Tony’s image without his permission.

What could it be?

Did Tony think he was rude for taking so long to get breakfast?

Had he broken some social norm he didn’t know about?

Was he offended that Loki hadn’t joined him last night.

Loki was so selfish. He knew that Tony relied on him to sooth him when the nightmares came, but instead Loki was downstairs masturbating.

Surely Tony was going to break up with him soon.

Loki realized he’d been staring at his bare feet for a good ten minutes, seven minutes longer than he needed to change.

He’d already hurt Tony and now it would seem that he was ignoring him.

Loki forewent the elevator and just teleported himself back to Tony’s penthouse kitchen.

“I’m back,” he said, his voice breaking halfway through.

“Welcome back.” Tony smiled at him, but Loki could also detect a bit of worry in his features.

Loki just kept messing up.

He joined Tony on the couch, picking up the food he’d abandoned earlier. Loki poked at his crepes, no longer having an appetite. He forced himself to eat though, not wanting to offend Tony or seem ungrateful.

“Lab?” Tony offered. Loki nodded, feeling a bit of normalcy return.

Tony reached out for his hand in the elevator and Loki hesitated. He was reaching for the hand Loki used to masturbate with. Would Tony be able to feel some sort of texture change to his skin? No that was impossible. Loki took his hand and noticed that some of the tension in Tony’s shoulders eased.

Loki was clearly the cause of his stress. What sort of boyfriend was he, constantly causing Tony to worry and feel stressed? He really didn’t deserve Tony.

Maybe this really was some sort of long term prank… Something to show everyone how worthless he truly was.

His grip tightened on Tony’s hand. He just wanted to hug him and sob against his shoulder, but that would only add to his embarrassment when the cruel joke was finally revealed.

As if sensing Loki’s distress Tony let go of his hand and pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek lightly. Loki almost broke down crying, but he somehow held it together, thankful for the elevator doors choosing to open just at that moment.

Tony let go of him and Loki immediately missed his warmth. Loki headed for his usual spot on the couch while Tony began chatting to himself while bringing his workshop to life.

* * *

Things were… awkward. Loki couldn’t bring himself to meet Tony’s eyes, too afraid of what Tony would read in them.

He could sense a shift in their relationship, and it wasn’t a good one.

All his worries from the start of their relationship came flooding back, not that they ever really left.

He didn’t know how to act around Tony anymore.

He knew Tony could feel it too.

At night when they were in bed Tony held him tighter than ever, burying his nose against Loki’s neck. It was comforting, but only reminded Loki that something was wrong between them.

A week and a half after Loki betrayed him he woke up, still in Tony’s arms, but there was something different. Part of Loki’s anatomy was wide awake and wanted to play.

Loki pulled himself away from Tony instantly, not wanting him to find out.

“Mm, wha?” Tony groaned and Loki realized he’d accidently woken him up.

“Nothing!” Tony reached out for him, trying to pull him closer, but Loki slipped away, doing his best to hide his erection. “I just have to—” Loki glanced around, but couldn’t come up with a good excuse. In his panic he just teleported away and to his room.

When he realized what he’d done he almost had a panic attack.

Now Tony was going to be even more worried than before.

Why did Loki always mess things up?

This was the one good thing in his life and his own body was working against him.

His cock was still pulsing to be buried in tight warmth, but he tried willing it away. He didn’t need this right now. He had to go back upstairs before Tony came down here to check on him.

It was no use though. His sex drive had come back full force and wouldn’t be silent until he was coming.

Loki quickly stripped out of his clothes and went into the shower. If Tony came down here Loki knew he wouldn’t enter his room since the shower was on. He grasped his cock and frantically started masturbating, just wanting this to be over so he could try to clean up the mess that his abrupt departure caused.

His mind conjured up images of Tony naked and spread wide open for him, begging Loki to fuck him. It was more than he could handle and he came all over the tiled wall.

Loki took in shallow breaths, but the image in his mind only became more elaborate. Tony was slowly playing with himself, teasing Loki and telling him to come closer.

Loki was almost instantly hard again, much to his horror. Why was his body betraying him, risking everything to chase after a few orgasms?

His legs were wobbly, but he still palmed his cock again, trying to clear his mind so that he wouldn’t be turned on again. He tried to make his movements more mechanical this time, like it was just something that was happening rather than something he was doing to himself.

When he came again his legs gave out, causing him to slip in the shower.

If anyone saw him like this they’d be simultaneously laughing and trying not to vomit at the sight of his nude form.

Loki laughed self-deprecatingly at himself. At least his cock didn’t spring back up.

After laying in the spray trying to reign in his emotions Loki stood.

He was quick to make himself presentable before heading back to Tony’s penthouse.

He was surprised to find Tony still in his boxers and night shirt. He was sitting on their couch, elbows resting on his knees while he held his coffee and stared at the ground.

Loki had never seen him like this before, so still and silent. He didn’t even look up when Loki entered the room.

“What did I do?” Tony whispered and Loki didn’t understand his question at all. It was hard for Loki to breathe as he looked at Tony’s unmoving form. Loki didn’t know what to say. “What did I do wrong, Loki? I need to know.” His words were just as quiet as before, but this time they made sense to Loki.

His eyes went wide and in an instant he was on the couch and engulfing Tony in a hug.

“No, no, Tony. By the Norns, you’re perfect!” Loki’s vision became blurred. He’d done this to Tony. “It’s me! I’m the one who did something wrong!” He nuzzled against Tony’s neck and could feel him relaxing. “You did nothing wrong. I’m just sick and depraved and I was so ashamed that I could even look at you. I’m the one who messed everything up.” He started sobbing, not knowing what else to say.

He started panicking when Tony pulled away from him slightly, but it was only so he could set his coffee down.

Tony turned towards him and pulled Loki onto his lap and into his arms, kissing Loki on the forehead. Loki curled up against him, grabbing onto Tony’s shirt.

He was going to leave him when he found out how sick he was. Loki had to cherish this moment, this agonizing moment where he was engulfed in Tony’s warmth and scent for the last time.

“You know I can’t read you mind, Loki. You’re going to have to talk to me about this.”

“You’ll hate me,” Loki forced out. He felt Tony’s chest rumble as he laughed.

“I highly doubt that. I don’t think I could ever hate you. I’ve never liked anyone as much as I like you. I never thought waking up next to someone could be so comforting.” Tony kissed him again, but Loki couldn’t look at him, too ashamed. “Tell me what it is. I promise I won’t hate you.”

“I hate when people lie to me,” Loki mumbled against the crook of Tony’s neck.

“Thankfully I’m not lying.” Tony hugged him a bit tighter. Loki fell silent, tears still streaming down his face and staining Tony’s shirt. “Please talk to me,” Tony pleaded.

“I can’t say. It’s too embarrassing,” Loki admitted, nuzzling against Tony’s neck.

“Sweetums, how many times have you told me something was too embarrassing for you to say and then when you finally did tell me I told you it was nothing to be embarrassed about?” Despite the circumstances Loki had to laugh at that, but that light was quickly extinguished.

“This is different. This is so much worse.” He pushed himself away from Tony, knowing he had no right to touch him, not after what he’d done.

It hurt, not touching him. He felt so cold and empty, but this was necessary.

Loki forced himself to the other side of the couch, facing away from him. He crossed his arms, hugging himself.

He couldn’t lie, he couldn’t lie again.

A warm hand touched his shoulder, causing Loki to flinch. The hand was retracted immediately and it made Loki want to just die.

“You’re suffering. Please just tell me. I hate seeing you in pain.” Loki began shaking, barely holding himself together. He took in a deep breath, knowing that he couldn’t keep this from Tony any longer, even if it meant all this would be over.

“That laptop you gave,” Loki began, surprised by how steady his voice was, “I used it to look up naked pictures of you and then—and then I…” He couldn’t say the word. There was a long silence and with every second that passed Loki felt his heart break a little more.

“Loki, sweetums, every time I take a shower I rub one out while thinking about you.” Loki’s jaw fell open and Tony’s words didn’t make sense to him at first. “Masturbation is healthy and I _wish_ I had naked pictures of you to look at. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m not mad at you or anything. At worse I’m miffed that you didn’t just ask me for nudes. I would have sent them to you in a second.” Loki was speechless. He could sense Tony moving closer to him. “So please stop crying and let me see your beautiful face.”

Loki was startled when a broken little giggle bubbled out of his chest.

“Really?” Loki asked, wiping at his face with his sleeve.

“Yup.” He could hear the smile in Tony’s voice and it instantly eased his pain.

“Then why did you never—” Loki cut himself off, surprised by his own audacity.

“Please look at me,” Tony pleaded. Loki took in a calming breath before turning around. He didn’t notice how close Tony had gotten until their knees knocked together. “Were you going to ask why I never tried to take things further?” It was a relief to hear Tony ask the question, even if it made Loki blush like mad. How could Tony talk so candidly about these things? Was he not embarrassed?

“In a manner of speaking, yes,” Loki choked out.

“Because you’re not ready,” Tony stated simply.

“What do you mean, I’m not ready?!” Loki asked, his temper suddenly flaring up. He slapped a hand over his own mouth, feeling like a terrible person for shouting at Tony.

Tony sighed.

“That came out wrong.” Tony slumped back against the couch and Loki remembered how tense he looked when Loki first walked in. He’d accidently made Tony believe that he’d done something wrong when it was (as always) Loki’s fault. “Just… let me think for a second.”

Tony’s eyes slid shut. Loki began silently fretting until Tony’s hand somehow found his own, his calloused thumb creating soothing circles. Loki could breathe a bit easier, even though his nerves were eating him up on the inside.

“It’s just…Loki, if I asked you to take off your shirt what would you do?”

Loki really _really_ wanted to say that he’d take it off, but…

His eyes started tearing up.

Tony was right.

“Shh, it’s okay, sweetums. Come here.” Tony held open his arms and Loki practically fell into them. Why was he always so weak? So prone to breaking down like a child who skinned their knee?

“You’re going to leave me,” Loki said through his tears.

“What? No. Of course not. Why would you even think that?” Tony asked while hugging him tighter.

“Because you’re this perfect person who had a great sex life before I came along. You’re this renowned sex god and I’m just this bumbling virgin who is too ugly to even remove my shirt!” Loki would have been flailing around if Tony wasn’t holding him firmly against his chest.

He could feel Tony’s warm breath ghost against his skin, his thumb trying to work the tension out of Loki’s back.

“I’m far from perfect. I haven’t had sex since Pepper and I broke up a year and a half ago. Yes, I’ve had a lot of partners, but I don’t want that to intimidate you. If anything I want you to think of it as a good thing. I have lots of experience so if we ever do have sex it’s less likely that either of us will get hurt. If you were comfortable with it I’d teach you everything I know.” Tony gave him another kiss. “Being a virgin isn’t a bad thing. It only has as much value as you give it. I don’t think less or more of you because you’re a virgin.” Tony paused and Loki really wanted to believe him, but he just couldn’t. “Let’s go to my lab. There’s something I want to show you and don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.”

Tony lightly urged him to get up and Loki unstuck himself from Tony.

As they stood Tony grabbed a tissue and wiped off Loki’s face before giving him a kiss on the cheek. Even though he was feeling terrible it still made him smile and feel a little bit better.

Tony took his hand and they walked to the elevator.

“I know you don’t like your body and I sort of anticipated this day, excluding the whole masturbation confession, so I had Jarvis put together a project. Once again, it’s nothing bad,” Tony said before Loki could start agonizing over whatever _it_ was.

He stared at the elevator floor as it descended.

At least… at least Tony hadn’t abandoned him after Loki admitted he looked up nude images of him and masturbated to them.

And Tony even said—

Loki let out an ‘eep’ as his cheeks and ears flushed red.

Tony gave him a confused look, but Loki kept his eyes on the floor while shaking his head. Tony stared a moment longer before shrugging and looking back at the metal doors.

Tony had said that he touched himself while thinking of Loki while in the shower.

How could Tony even be turned on by him? Loki was Loki after all. Lanky, pasty, skinny Loki. The Aesir who preferred magic over fighting and men over women. Loki, the one who was always looked down on throughout his whole life. The one who everyone whispered about and made fun of behind his back.

How could Tony find that attractive?

He didn’t even know why Tony ever willingly spent any time with him.

How could he not be bored of Loki’s awkwardness and inability to properly speak? Or was he laughing on the inside? That was the only thing that made sense.

Maybe this had started out as a cruel joke and now Tony couldn’t back out of it because he was afraid of what Thor would do when he saw how hurt his little brother was.

Maybe Loki was just convenient. They lived in the same tower. Tony didn’t even have to leave to find a warm body to sleep beside him and sooth him when the nightmares came.

Maybe it was because he felt in debt to Loki for saving his life.

Maybe—

The elevator doors opened and Tony was tugging him forward.

“Jarvis, pull up project Through Different Eyes and then deactivate yourself.”

“Of course, Sir.” Loki could see a screen descending from the ceiling as they entered the lab. Tony let go of his hand and Loki immediately missed the contact. He watched on awkwardly as Tony grabbed two wheeled chairs and rolled them in front of the screen.

“This isn’t going to make sense at all at first and be weird, but I want you to answer honestly and not let your mind race by trying to figure out what’s going on, alright?”

Loki caught his lower lip between his teeth and looked at the ground, trying not to let his anxiety take over. He refrained from gnawing on his lip and looked back over at Tony, feeling a bit of resolve form in his chest.

“I’ll do my best.” Tony’s whole face lit up and Loki knew he’d given the right answer.

They sat side by side and Tony took his hand again. Loki noticed that Tony was holding a small black device in his other hand. He clicked it and the screen came to life. A remote then, albeit a very small one.

‘Through Different Eyes’ was written in large letters with a pleasant blue background. Tony clicked the remote again and Loki wrinkled his brow in confusion. It was a picture of a tan arm held out parallel to the ground. The fingers where perfectly straight.

“Do you think this arm is ugly?” Tony asked. Loki blushed despite feeling confused and awkward. He tried to pull away from Tony, but he just held him tighter. “Just tell the truth. That’s all I’m asking for.” And how could Loki deny him that?

“It’s… a very nice looking arm,” Loki admitted, trying not to bolt for the door. Why was Tony showing him this? Was it a slideshow of his past lovers—

But Tony told him to try not to figure out the purpose of this project Through Different Eyes.

Another image appeared. This one was of a dark skinned neck, male most likely from the muscle and thickness.

“And this one?”

“No, it’s not ugly.”

And so the pattern went on for almost fifteen minutes. Loki trying to stomp down his curiosity, Tony showing him tame images of body parts, and Loki deeming them not ugly.

They returned to the first picture.

“Why do you think this arm isn’t ugly?” Tony asked.

“Is this some sort of trick?” Loki felt like if he answered he was cheating on Tony, something he’d never do in a million years.

“It’s not a trick. I will be recording your answers though.” Tony gave his hand a squeeze and smiled gently. Loki still didn’t want to answer though, but knew it would be unfair to do so. He stared at the arm for a moment longer.

“It’s a nice looking arm because,” Loki swallowed, already having the words in mind, “the muscle definition is sleek and it looks elegant.” Tony nodded and clicked the next picture.

This time it was of a man sitting in a chair.

“And what do you think of his skin tone, positive or negative.”

“Positive,” Loki answered, feeling a bit more at ease. Tony clicked his small remote again.

“Jarvis photoshopped this picture.” It was the original picture of the arm, but now it had the same skin color as the man in the last photo. “Do you think any less of it?”

“No, it’s still the same arm, just in a different color.”

“Good!”

The slideshow continued, but all the photos were now in the same alabaster skin color and Tony asked him what he liked about each photo and if there was anything he didn’t like. It took over half an hour and throughout the whole thing Loki’s confusion never abated.

“Now for this part I need you to stay silent and just hear me out. Can you promise to do that for me?” Tony’s expression was pleading.

“Yes, I promise.”

“Thank you.” Tony leaned over and gave Loki a kiss on the cheek. “The point of this whole project was to show how beautiful you are. All these photos are of body parts that had nearly the same dimensions, muscle mass, and contours as your own body. Jarvis even photoshopped them when necessary so they matched you exactly. Jarvis had your original image scans from after you rescued me and you were in the quinjet. I was going to have him erase them right away when I found out because I knew it would make you uncomfortable, but then he had this idea.” Loki opened his mouth to speak, but Tony didn’t let him. “You promised to stay silent, remember?” Loki nodded. “Now let’s listen to what you had to say about all these different parts that look just like you.” Tony clicked a button.

_“It’s a nice looking arm because,”_ Loki heard his own voice say _, “the muscle definition is sleek and it looks elegant.”_

Tony went on to the next picture of the neck.

_“Long in a good way, smooth, and strong.”_

Loki’s eyes started to tear up and Tony handed him a box of tissues.

The slides kept coming and Loki felt breathless. His hand tightened in Tony’s as things he’d never say about himself were said.

He didn’t want to believe them, but they were his own words.

“You’re beautiful, Loki,” Tony said when the slideshow came to the end, “and I don’t ever want you to forget that.”

* * *

That night they were in bed together. Tony was sleeping soundly, but Loki’s mind was still racing.

The thought behind the presentation had been nice, but… but…

It didn’t take into account how all those pieces came together to form something hideous and it had nothing to do with his horribly awkward personality.

Loki shook his head, trying not to think.

He scooted closer to Tony’s back and gently grabbed onto his shirt, burying his face against him. His scent was always so comforting, even though Loki could never really pin down what it was.

Loki could almost feel Tony’s heartbeat against his forehead, a steady rhythm that made all of this actually feel real.

He needed to fall asleep. He didn’t want to have bags under his eyes tomorrow morning.

* * *

When morning came he was still clinging to Tony’s shirt, which was twisted around since Tony was now on his back. It looked uncomfortable, but Tony was still asleep. Loki leaned over carefully and gave Tony a peck on the cheek. Tony’s head moved slightly so that he was facing him and Loki was briefly afraid that he’d accidently woken him up. Tony’s eyes remained closed and Loki relaxed before slipping out of bed to take care of his morning breath. At some point Tony had gotten him a toothbrush and mouthwash and placed them in his bathroom. Loki was grateful for that since it meant he didn’t have to go all that far from Tony in order to take care of his noxious breath.

After scrubbing his teeth and tongue clean he used the burning mouthwash and the toilet.

Loki slipped back into bed after washing his hands.

He stared at Tony’s features, still amazed that this man thought Loki was worth keeping around.

He felt his desire stirring, but somehow pushed it away, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of Tony.

Loki felt like doing something nice for him, but didn’t know what to do.

He took in another breath of Tony’s scent before remembering a scene from a movie they watched together.

Breakfast in bed. It was a brilliant idea.

After dragging himself out of Tony’s bed and to the kitchen he set to work on a hardy meal. Bacon, hash browns, eggs, and toast. He of course would also make coffee to go with it, but that was pretty much an automatic process after he pushed a single button.

He grabbed all the pans and ingredients that were necessary while trying not to think about how horribly he could fail at this. Undercooked bacon, soggy hash browns, eggshells in the scrambled eggs, burnt toast—and that was just off the top of his head.

Loki was so careful with cracking the eggs, examining the gooey liquid for any shards of white. He whisked it with precision, making sure none of it went over the rim of the bowl. A bit of milk, salt, and pepper—all in the same proportions he’d seen Tony use.

He sprayed the pan before carefully pouring in the gooey mixture, doing a triple check that there was no bits of shells in it. Before he could start on the next dish he heard Tony shuffling down the spiral stairs from his room.

Loki frowned while turning to face him.

“I was hoping to surprise you with breakfast in bed,” Loki said while blushing. Tony smiled through his yawn.

“Just the sight of you cooking is better than breakfast in bed.” Tony dragged his feet into the kitchen until he was in front of him. He reached up and laced his fingers through Loki’s hair, pulling him forward and into a kiss. It started out nice and slow, their usual morning kiss. Loki could smell fresh mint, feel Tony’s hand travel up his back and pulling him closer. Loki was starting to feel breathless as their kissing continued and was surprised when Tony’s tongue flicked out. Loki’s eyes flashed open and Tony pulled back with a grin. “Just an invitation, baby steps.” Tony winked at him, still close enough that they were breathing the same air. Loki licked his lips, still trying to process what had just happened. He could taste the mint, taste was Tony _tasted_ like.

“That was amazing,” Loki whispered, sounding breathless. Tony broke out into a grin.

“Well, sweetums, you’re amazing.”

Without thought Loki felt himself pulling Tony back in for another kiss, their noses knocking together awkwardly until Tony tilted his head slightly. Loki was the one to swipe his tongue over the seam of Tony’s lips this time. Tony’s mouth opened just enough for Loki’s tongue to slip in—

He never realized that tongues had a texture, yet were so slick. Tony started taking over, somehow eliciting a whole array of lust that Loki didn’t even know he had. Loki tried to get closer and realized he was making the most obscene little noises.

He’d imagined this so many times, but never thought just kissing with a bit of tongue could be this intense. So intense that—

Loki shoved himself away from Tony and pulled down on his own shirt, trying to hide his erection.

“I’m so—so sorry.” Loki was looking everywhere, but at Tony. He was surprised when Tony gently cupped his face, tilting it so that they were staring at each other. His thumb stroked Loki’s left cheek bone, making him shiver.

“You know I don’t like when you hide your eyes from me. It’s okay to get turned on while making-out. It’s flattering, if anything.” Tony was smiling so easily that it relaxed Loki slightly, but did nothing for his erection. “How about I finish making breakfast and you go take care of that.” Tony glanced downward and Loki tried even harder to hide himself.

He nodded hastily, his vision filling with grateful tears before teleporting to his bathroom, quickly turning on the shower and stripping down.

* * *

Tony didn’t act any differently when Loki reappeared for breakfast, which Loki was monumentally grateful for.

The eggs were a bit overcooked and Loki blushed, having a good idea why that was the case.

“You look extra handsome today.” Tony winked at him and Loki blushed even more.

“It was really nice, what you did for me yesterday,” Loki admitted while sitting down.

“I feel a but coming on,” Tony said while setting down his hash brown covered fork.

“But it was all piecemeal. It wasn’t really me.” Loki was staring at his still warm breakfast, spearing the eggs despite not being hungry.

Tony was silent for a long time, the only sounds being the scrapes of cutlery and Tony chewing.

“How ‘bout another example?” Loki perked up despite feeling queasy and nervous. “I go around to the different Avengers, excluding Thor, and ask them what they think of your looks?” Loki felt his stomach drop, already knowing what they’d say. “I’ll have Jarvis steam it and you can watch it from up here.”

“It won’t work. They’ll only say terrible things and if they don’t it’s only because you prompted them not to.”

“Sweetums, you know I wouldn’t do that.” Tony reached across the table and took Loki’s hand. Loki really wanted to believe him, but there had been so many pranks, so many lies growing up that it was hard to believe him. Tony squeezed his hand a bit, causing Loki to look over at him. “I would in no way rig this. I think that only through seeing the truth over and over again that you’ll start to believe me.” Tony kissed his hand.

“Why do you care so much?” Loki whispered, his eyes filling with tears.

“I was going to save the news for a happier occasion, but now that I think about it it’s probably better to say it when you’re down, in hopes of lifting your spirits.” Loki’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I love you. I love you so much that it physically pains me that you can’t see how wonderful you are.”

“I love you too,” Loki whispered, his chest swelling with happiness. “I never… I never thought anyone other than my family would love me. I’m not worth it.” Tony stood up, letting go of his hand and Loki was sure he was going to leave, realizing that Loki was right. Instead Tony rounded the table and lifted Loki’s chin, placing the gentlest kiss on his lips.

“If I had decide between you and all my wealth, genius, and technology I would choose you every time.” Loki’s breath caught in his throat, his mind completely blanking out. “I even love your ‘deer caught in the headlights’ look, the way you put up with my ramblings, sleep in my bed despite it initially making you uncomfortable, and for so many other reasons. You’re so strong and overwhelmingly amazing that just seeing you makes my pulse race.” Tony gave him another kiss and Loki’s mind was still trying to process his words. “I’m always worried that I’m going to say the wrong thing and lose you, that you’ll leave for Asgard and never return and I’d be lost without you.” Tony’s eyes started watering up, snapping Loki out of his daze.

“No, I could never leave you. Never, not in a million years. I’ve never felt this way for anyone before.”

“Yeah, and that’s one of my worries.” Tony laughed, but it had the sharp edge of self-deprecation. “This is the first time you’ve ever dated someone. You have no one to compare me to. I want you to see yourself the way I see you, but some sick little voice in the back of my head wants you to stay the same so that it’s more likely that you won’t meet anyone else to compare me to.” He laughed again and it sounded even more pained this time. Loki looked up at him with wide eyes before standing and giving him a hug.

“Sometimes I want to steal you away and lock you in my tower in Asgard so that you can never leave me,” Loki admitted.

“I would be the handsomest Disney princess,” Tony joked, laying his forehead on Loki’s shoulder.

“What is Disney?” Loki asked, still holding onto him and feeling his warmth sink in.

“It’s what our next movie marathon is.” Tony kissed Loki on the neck for the first time, sending a thrill to him. It seemed that today was a day of firsts, not that Loki minded. “So what do you think of my plan?” Loki stiffened in Tony’s arms, having forgotten about it.

“You really want me to get better?” Loki said softly.

“I want you to feel better about yourself in any and every way.” Tony released him from their hug and Loki missed his warmth immediately.

“Okay, yes, you can ask your friends.”

“Good.” Tony abandoned his half-finished meal and grabbed Loki’s plate while ushering him into the living room. “Is it alright if I activate Jarvis so he can show you the live feed?” Loki nodded, starting to bite his thumb in worry. He felt like he was just a few words away from a panic attack.

Tony pushed on a small section of wall and a panel opened up. He pressed a few buttons.

“Good morning Sir, Loki,” Jarvis said in his usual pleasant voice.

“Mornin’ J. I need you to follow me around and broadcast it live to Loki.”

“Very well, Sir.” The TV screen clicked on, showing the couple from a downwards angle.

Tony gave Loki another kiss before heading to the elevator.

When he heard it slide close his anxiety ramped up.

He heard Tony ask for the locations of each Avenger. He started with Clint who was lounging on the roof. When Tony exited the elevator the camera switched to an odd angle that barely showed the pair.

Clint was laying on the ground with his hands pillowed behind his head as he watched the blue sky.

_“Hey birdbrain,”_ Tony said while approaching him. The audio was a bit staticky from the wind.

_“What up, shellhead?”_ Clint didn’t even bother moving as Tony stood beside him.

_“What do you think about how Loki looks?”_

_“Hmm,”_ Clint hummed to himself and Loki’s breathing picked up. _“I like how tall he is and how cut his arms are. I wouldn’t mind if he ever bent me over.”_

_“Hey! No hitting on my man!”_ Tony playfully kicked Clint in the side, but the agent was quick to catch his foot and pull it out from under him. Tony stumbled backwards, but held on so he didn’t fall.

_“You’re such an asshat,”_ Tony grumbled while walking away once Clint released him.

_“You’re the one who asked the question! Don’t be mad at me for answering it honestly!”_ Clint laughed even harder as Tony pouted and entered the elevator. Once he was inside he smiled and gave one of Jarvis’ camera’s a thumbs up.

_“Take me to Steve. Oh man, I hope he blushes,”_ Tony said under his breath, but Loki still heard him.

As the elevator descended Loki pulled up his sleeve and stared at his arm. It didn’t look all that defined to him. They were more like pasta, very pale pasta.

He hastily pulled his sleeve back down, not liking where his thoughts were leading him.

Steve was on his own floor watching a movie. From his expression he didn’t seem to be enjoying it too much. It was obvious that he was pleased to see Tony as he flipped the TV off immediately.

Loki felt a bit of unease about how happy he looked at Tony’s arrival. Did he have feelings for Tony? Would Tony someday randomly wake up and realize how handsome Steve was, especially compared to Loki?

Without preemption Tony asked the question that made Loki’s gut clench painfully with apprehension.

_“What do you think about how Loki looks?”_ Steve seemed a bit confused about Tony’s question. Was he pausing because the answer so obvious that he didn’t even understand why Tony would ask such a stupid question?

_“He’s a well-dressed fella,”_ Steve finally said and Loki’s shoulders slumped. He was only well-dressed because Tony’s friend Pepper had chosen all his clothes for him.

_“No, not his clothes. I mean his body.”_ Tony was grinning, but Loki could tell he started pouting when Steve didn’t blush.

_“He’s a good looking man.”_

_“Be more specific!”_ Tony whined and Steve rolled his eyes.

_“Other than the obvious things like how fit he looks I like how his natural colors contrast.”_ Steve smiled genuinely. _“His light skin contrasts completely with his dark hair. Black and white, but then there’s a flash of emerald green in his eyes.”_ Steve paused in thought. _“I wish he would make eye contact with me more. I feel like I’m just on the cusps of inspiration for a painting whenever I see him. We should have one of those family dinners again soon. Maybe this time I’ll get that final push to create something beautiful.”_ Steve shrugged.

_“Can I hug you? I’m going to hug you now,”_ Tony said before Steve had any chance to respond. Tony hugged him and Steve patted him on the back with a look of confusion on his face. _“Family dinner tomorrow!”_ Tony said while releasing him. _“Jarvis! Inform the rest of the team!”_

_“As you wish, Sir.”_

_“Take me to Brucie-Bear,”_ Tony said when he was in the elevator. He looked back at the camera. _“Ya know, saying I love you was really hard the first time, but now I can’t stop thinking about it. I love you, Loki.”_

Loki felt his heart warm up and he grabbed a pillow, wishing it was Tony he was hugging.

The elevator opened to Bruce’s lab.

_“Tony,”_ Bruce said in greeting without looking away from a hologram that made little sense to Loki.

_“Stop sciencing and pay attention to me,”_ Tony whined and Bruce turned towards him with an easy going smile. It was obvious that they’d had this interaction before.

_“Science, Tony, science.”_ Bruce gestured towards the hologram.

_“It will only take a few minutes.”_ Tony jutted out his bottom lip and Loki laughed.

_“You literally say that every time.”_ Tony let out a little whine.

_“Brucie.”_ Tony began tugging lightly on Bruce’s stained lab coat.

_“Fine, but if this takes more than five minutes I’ll spray you with the fire extinguisher.”_

_“Deal! So what do you think about how Loki looks?”_ Bruce let out an annoyed sigh and Loki felt himself deflating. He couldn’t stare at the TV any longer. He searched for the remote.

_“I thought this going to be about one of your experiments, not another session of you blabbing on about how sexy and perfect Loki is.”_ Loki completely froze. Tony actually talked about him with other people, and even said _nice_ things?

_“This is an experiment and the sooner you answer the sooner you can get back to sciencing.”_

_“Fine.”_ Bruce sounded put out, making Loki sink into the couch and want to hide his face despite no one being around to see him. _“He has very nice symmetry and nearly perfect proportions.”_

_“Now say it less sciencie.”_ Tony made a weird flapping motion with his hand and Bruce openly rolled his eyes at him.

_“He’s handsome and has the face and body of a model. Now can you leave?”_

_“Anything else you’d like to add?”_ Tony asked with a cheeky grin, meant solely to annoy Bruce.

_“I will use the fire extinguisher on you,”_ Bruce threatened and Tony swiftly left, almost giggling.

_“To Lovely Lady Natasha!”_ Tony said exaggeratedly when he was in the elevator. It ascended quickly. He had to push a button to ask to be admitted to her floor.

_“Tony,”_ she said while not looking up from her book.

_“Tasha, it’s always good to see that there are no dead bodies just laying around your floor.”_

_“Don’t be silly. You know that I keep them in your walk in freezer.”_ Her voice was deadpan and Loki really hoped she was joking.

_“Ah, that’s where those came from. I was wondering…”_

_“Why are you disturbing me? Are you a shapeshifter that’s come here to bore me to death?”_ Despite her harsh words she looked away from her book and smiled at him.

Tony took a seat across from her, mirroring her smile.

_“Serious question. What do you think about how Loki looks?”_ She looked at him for a moment with analytical eyes.

_“He’s absolutely gorgeous, especially when it’s just the two of you and he’s relaxed. I walked into your lab one day when you two were talking. He was smiling so sincerely and it seemed to light up the whole room. I didn’t want to ruin the moment so I left. I wish he would open up to us like that. If he just gained a bit more confidence I’m sure he’d enjoy himself a lot more. Also, I wouldn’t mind him becoming an Avenger. He could probably take apart Doom in a second.”_ Natasha glanced back at her book. _“Anything else?”_

_“Did Jarvis tell you we’re having ‘family dinner’ tomorrow?”_

_“Yup, I was thinking of cooking up something, but I haven’t decided what yet.”_

_“Sounds good. Thanks for your input.”_ Tony waved her goodbye and she didn’t respond, just going back to reading her book.

Loki put the pillow over his face and falling to his side to lay on the couch. He screamed into the pillow, not knowing what to think or feel. The past few days had just been too much and so far outside of his comfort zone.

He turned onto his back, still holding the pillow against his face trying to slow his breathing down.

There’s no way they could think of him like that.

And how was he supposed to face them now, knowing that they were all liars?

Or worse, that they actually meant what they said. How could all their perceptions be so skewed?

If they saw him as something—something _desirable_ he’d never be able to meet their eyes. It was just too embarrassing!

Maybe Loki really had gone crazy.

Maybe this was all some delusion and he was still in his tower, hiding under his blankets, not being able to stand his sad existence anymore.

It made sense. If he was going to slip into an imagined world he couldn’t ask for a better one. Tony was the epitome of everything Loki wanted, even though he didn’t know at the time.

And he _cared_ he cared so much.

“I really hope you’re not trying to smother yourself to death,” Tony said while pulling the pillow free. Tony frowned slightly. “You know it wasn’t my goal to make you cry.” Loki nodded stupidly. Tony pulled him up so that he was sitting. “Let’s heat up our breakfast and start our Disney marathon? Sounds good?”

Loki nodded while wiping away his tears. Tony gave him a kiss on the forehead while swiping up Loki’s cold plate of food.

Loki watched him walk into the kitchen.

He calmed down, everything becoming clearer in his mind.

This was a delusion and Loki had no interest in escaping it.

**Author's Note:**

> Not the happy ending you were expecting, but don't worry. I'm thinking up the next piece now!


End file.
